Songbird Freed Page 16

  “Please, Tara.”

  “I do love you, Riley,” I told him softly as I met his sorrowful eyes. “I will always love you, but things are different now.” I brushed his hair off his forehead. He closed his eyes at my touch, and sighed.

  “In ten months, no one has touched me like that. There’s been no love, no affection.” He opened his eyes, searching every inch of my face. “I’ve missed you so much. I’ve missed talking to you, and looking at your beautiful face. Your smile, your eyes … just being around you, and how it cloaks me in a sense of peace.” He took my hand and pulled it gently towards him. “You asked me what I need. I need you to lay with me. I want to hold you as we drift off to sleep, the way we used to.”

  He scooted over on the tiny bed and I lay down beside him. I felt his hand go to my hair and gently stroke it the way he used to.

  “Do you feel like talking?” he asked.

  “If you want to.” I had so many questions, but I didn’t want to push him.

  There was silence for what felt like a few minutes, and I thought he had changed his mind. I closed my eyes, and was drifting off to the rhythm of his breathing.

  “They kept me in a hole in the ground,” he said softly.

  My eyes sprung open. I waited for someone to come bursting into the room at the mention of what had happened to him, the way they had in Tarin Kot, but no one came.

  “Every few days they would open the hatch and put a bag over my head, before leading me to what I think was a cave in the side of a hill.” Riley’s heart rate increased under my hand, and I knew he was reliving the horrendous memories. “They tried various means of torture.” He rubbed his cheek against my head. “I won’t tell you what they did. I … I can’t tell you.”

  His voice was so full of pain and anger that I squeezed him tight, trying to let him know it was over and he had survived.

  “They couldn’t break me,” he finally said into the darkness. “They tried, for days at a time, but I didn’t tell them anything.”

  “You’re a very strong person, Riley.”

  “It’s not that.” His hand moved down to my back, tickling it gently. “I just took myself away from what was happening. In my mind, we were lying in that hammock on the beach in Fiji.” He sighed. “I visited that hammock so many times. The night it rained on us, and we stayed there together until we were both soaked through. The days we relaxed there, dozing off in the afternoon sun.”

  I smiled at the memories. “It was a wonderful holiday. Thank you for taking me.”

  “It was the best time of my life.”

  I thought about my time in Paris with Cole. It had been a wonderfully lavish week, one I would never forget. But as far as a relaxing holiday goes, you couldn’t ask for any better than the days Riley and I had spent in Fiji.

  “I know you’re hurting too, Tara. I can see it written all over your face. This break-up with Cole has made you doubt yourself all over again, it’s like you’ve gone back to when we first met.” His hand continued lovingly caressing my back. “It’s chipped away at your faith, and your self-belief. You give your heart completely, I know, and he didn’t value or protect it.”

  Closing my eyes, I let the tears fall. “It’s his engagement party tonight, so I guess by now it’s official.” I wiped my runny nose with the back of my hand. “They’ll be planning the wedding already, and it will be as soon as they can manage it. They won’t want to give him time to think about what’s happening.”

  Repositioning us, he leaned up on his elbow so he could look down on me. It was pitch dark, but he reached across my body and flicked on a dim lamp.

  “You need to feel wanted and needed after being let down by Cole.” His finger traced around my jawline, tucking my hair back off my neck. “I want you.” Continuing down my neck, his fingertips lightly ran down to my arm, sending shivers up my spine. “And I need you in so many ways.”

  His voice was so soft as he leaned down towards me, his lips brushing butterfly kisses around my collarbone. My eyes closed, my head rolling to one side. I remembered this, how it felt to be safe in Riley’s arms. The feel of his lips, his caress. I inhaled, his scent taking me back in time.

  “Can we for just one night be the happy people in the photos on the wall?” The heat from his hand as it ran across my hips startled me, but he kept whispering, kept kissing me. “No broken hearts, no nightmares, or mates who we’ll never see again. Just you and me, so in love.”

  “I thought you said … you were happy for me … to have been the last girl … you ever slept with.” My mind was racing, almost as quickly as my heart-rate as I tried to catch my breath, trying to make sense of what was going on.

  “I said I wanted you to be the last girl. I didn’t say I wanted our time together ten months ago to be the last time.”

  “Oh, but we’re not together anymore. Riley, you didn’t even want to be friends.”

  “I don’t think I could ever just be friends with you. But we’re both single, both free to do what we want to do.” His hand ran across my stomach to my hip, where he squeezed my hipbone. “I know what I want to do. There’ll never be anyone else for me, babe, and no one else would want me looking like this.”

  “Don’t say that, Riley. You’ll move on.”

  He rolled onto his back. “No, Tara, I won’t. I’m pretty fucked up.”

  “But I thought you were doing so well. You seem happy.”

  “Do you think they would let me stay here, in the field, if they knew how much of a struggle every day was for me? I have nightmares most nights, and my body is …” He pulled up his T-shirt exposing his unbelievable washboard abs.

  My hand was touching his abs, tracing the peaks and valleys before I realised what I was doing. “Your body is incredible. Oh my goodness you’re hot. I mean, you’ve always been hot, but seriously, look at you.”

  He huffed. “Look a bit closer, babe. I’ve got so many scars you could play join the dots.”

  I lifted his T-shirt higher so I could really see his body. He sat up, grabbed the shirt behind his head and pulled it off completely.

  Swallowing hard, I tried not to let my face reflect the anger and sorrow I was feeling. There was hardly a patch of skin that hadn’t been tainted in some way. Some scars were shallow and almost invisible now, others still dark red and raised.

  “Who’s going to want to cuddle up to this?” he asked, tears in his eyes. “I look like a monster.” He went to put his T-shirt back on, but I stopped him, taking it from his hands and dropping it on the floor.

  “You should be proud of these scars, Riley, because every one of them shows that you have survived something horrendous.” Tracing his collarbone, I felt the ridge of one of the worst scars under my fingers. “Don’t be self-conscious or embarrassed by them.” Leaning forward, I gently kissed his chest. “You’re strong, and you’re a survivor.” I found another raised welt on his abdomen, and kissed it tenderly.

  He lay perfectly still, but as I continued kissing each scar, the rise and fall of his chest increased in pace.

  “We all have scars, Riley. Yours are just on the outside, so they’re more visible. It’s just proof that we have lived and endured.”

  “How do you always know the right thing to say, Tara? I wish you were here all the time. A couple of hours with you has done more than countless sessions with the counsellor.” Tears fell from the corners of his eyes, wetting the pillow beside his head. “You’re the only one who could see past this—” He indicated to his scars, “—to the person I really am. You know me better than anyone.”

  His fingers ran through my hair to the nape of my neck, holding me in place. Raising his head from the pillow, his lips softly, tentatively brushed against mine before pulling away. His sapphire eyes searched my face, trying to read my expression. I didn’t pull away, telling him it was okay.

  The corner of his mouth curled up into a half-smile as the hand at the back of my neck gripped tighter, pulling my head down to his. The kiss
was so soft, so restrained I could feel my body trembling, trying to hold back to match his gentleness. With the flick of his tongue between my lips, my mouth opened, welcoming him in. A groan rumbled in his throat as his hand ran down my side to my hip, pulling it against his body. He was so hard, I could feel his erection poking into my thigh, and I moaned appreciatively, rubbing against him.

  Lifting my head, I gazed down into his hooded eyes, as they looked back up at me with such longing, so much desire. He needed this to feel like he was still a man who could be loved, and I needed this after being cast aside by the man I thought would love me forever.

  “For one night,” I whispered, nibbling his jaw, “we’re the happy couple in the photos. We’re untouchable by any of the bad shit.”

  He nodded, the tears still spilling out over his long lashes.

  As my mouth found his and our kiss deepened, our weight shifted. He slid his leg between mine, one hand running down my body and hooking under my hip, pulling me against him. Firm kisses traced the line of my jaw to my neck, his hand inching its way under my top and finding my breast. He squeezed, his fingers tucking inside the lace of my bra and rolling my pebbled nipple.

  It was different to Cole, but still familiar. We knew each other’s bodies so well, what we liked, what pushed our buttons.

  Lifting my top off over my head, Riley sat back on his heels, running his hands from my shoulders, over my breasts to my pants. The button was flicked undone, the zipper slowly opened. Riley’s eyes rose to meet mine, a sexy half-smile on his lips, before I lifted my hips from the bunk and my pants were removed.

  It was cold outside, but my body was burning up. Every hair was on end, every nerve ending on full alert. His hand reached down between my thighs, slowly rubbing my sensitive flesh, his thumb circling my swollen nub through the thin fabric of my panties. Sighing, I lifted my hips in time with his hand, willing him to keep going.

  His fingers slipped inside my panties, spreading my wetness.

  “Oh God, Riley,” I whimpered.

  Then his fingers were inside me. The whole time his eyes never left mine, his lips slightly parted, and I could hear his breathing was as laboured as mine.

  “I want you to come,” he said hoarsely. “I don’t know how long I’ll last.”

  Unable to speak, a nod would have to show my understanding.

  Removing his hand from inside my underwear, I waited for his next move. He slowly slid my panties off before making himself comfortable between my legs.

  “You smell unbelievable,” he murmured as he kissed both thighs, then nuzzled his face between them. Gentle sucking and licking had me moaning so loudly that I was worried someone would hear me.

  “You taste so good,” he said, his voice muffled. “I’d forgotten how good … how perfect you are.” His fingers once again joined the party, sliding in and out as his tongue circled. Dropping my head back, I let the feeling he was invoking wash over me. Then his tongue was inside me, flicking in and out while his fingers rubbed back and forth.

  My hand blindly reached down until it found its mark, his head, and I held it firmly in place. The noises of pleasure he was making fuelled the fire in me as I brazenly moved in rhythm with his actions.

  Shallow gasps for air were all I could manage, my body totally under his control.

  “Ah, Riley …” I mumbled. “I can’t …” I don’t know why I was trying to speak, my mind unable to form any sort of cohesive sentence, but my lack of ability to gather my thoughts only spurred him on. Knowing I was so close, he increased the pressure and speed, his mouth sucking hard against me.

  My stomach muscles clenched, and for a moment I couldn’t breathe at all, then, in a wave of absolute euphoria, my body contorted as every muscle went into spasm. Riley kept going, hooking his arm around my hips and pulling me down harder onto his face, the noises he was making, animalistic.

  I couldn’t take anymore. Reaching my hand under his chin, I lifted his face from my swollen, sensitive flesh before slumping back on the bed, totally spent.

  After a moment, I opened my eyes. He was staring back at me with such intensity, his hot breath against my thighs showing me just how hard he was breathing.

  In one smooth motion, his pants were kicked off and he was climbing back over my body. With the lamp still casting a weak yellow light, I could see the wetness on his chin and swollen lips before he leant down, wiping his face quickly on the edge of the pillow.

  He edged up higher over me until he pressed against my entrance, the tip only just pushing in. Lifting my hips to encourage him further, he took up the invitation, slowly forcing his length into me.

  His body shuddered, and he stopped for a moment to catch his breath, kissing my neck, my face, anywhere his lips could reach.

  “Keep going,” I whispered into his neck. “I want all of you.”

  “I want all of you,” he replied, his breath harsh against my lips. “I’ve always wanted … all of you.”

  Raising my head slightly, I kissed his parted lips. “For this one night, I’m all yours.” Wrapping my legs around his hips, I pulled him tight towards me, driving him deeper until there was no more to take.

  “I’d forgotten,” I gasped, “how big you are.”

  His hot breath puffed against my neck. “Maybe I need to remind you.” With that, he pulled almost completely out, then drove straight back in, taking my breath away.

  Fisting his hair, I raised my head again, claiming his lips with mine. “Again,” I murmured against his mouth. He did it again, and again, the pace picking up with every thrust.

  His right arm wrapped under my butt, lifting it to vary the position. This was my Riley. I knew he loved this angle, as did I. It always rubbed in just the right place. As he circled his hips, the depth varied, his kisses on my neck and shoulder becoming harder. Then the kisses found their way back to my mouth, his tongue flicking and dancing against mine as our bodies writhed in unison.

  My head dropped back, my nails scratching down Riley’s back until they reached his ass. Feeling his muscles tense and flex under my hands as his onslaught continued, I held him firmly against me while I lifted my hips to meet his time and time again.

  “So … good,” he panted. “You feel … so good.”

  So did he, but I couldn’t speak. I could hardly catch my breath. His eyes were burning into me, watching my face. Our eyes locked, and it felt like we really had travelled back to a time when we were together and in love.

  His eyes smiled the way only his could, and he knew I was close. Pressing his forehead to mine, I closed my eyes and focused on the sensation of him moving inside me, the momentum forcing a moan with every breath. Riley’s breathing was out of control, but he kept going, harder and faster, his hand at my hip, gripping tighter.

  “Close, babe,” he groaned. “I want to feel you come … around me.”

  I didn’t need any more prompting. I clenched around him, feeling every inch.

  “Ah fuck, babe,” he breathed. “I can’t …”

  But he didn’t need to hold on. My body was already pulsating as another orgasm ripped through me, making me cry out. Riley let go, his own body tensing as he grunted into my neck before finally relaxing, his body collapsing against mine.

  THE SUN was coming up outside, which meant there would soon be people moving around the compound.

  “I’d better go, Riley. I need to get back to my hut before everyone is up and about.”

  He rolled me onto my back, then leant up, resting his elbow on the pillow, gazing down at me.

  “Do you not want anyone to know about—” he indicated between us. “—this? Or do you just not want it to get back to Cole?”

  I scrubbed my hands over my face. “I don’t know. I’m not with Cole anymore, but I still don’t want the girls gossiping about it when we get home.”

  “You still care what he thinks, even after he’s hurt you so badly? Sounds like you’re still in love with him.”

  “I am,”
I said sadly, “and I truly believe he loves me, but his family have him over a barrel, and he won’t fight for what he wants.”

  “Then you have to fight for the both of you,” he said with resolve, knocking the wind from me. “You have to face the enemy head on, and if he won’t stand beside you, you have to drag him along behind you.” He lay back down, running his hand through his hair. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I think you’re a good fit. You belong together. You can’t let other people dictate how your life is going to be lived. That’s what freedom is all about. Freedom to make your choices, and live the way you want to without other people, fear or guilt holding you back.”

  I rolled onto my side, resting my hand on his chest. This was a different Riley, a stronger, more determined side that I hadn’t seen before. He had always been the sweet, loving man from last night, but through adversity we gain wisdom and strength, and I knew Riley had been through so much, seen so much.

  “You need to be free to make your own decisions,” he continued. “Good or bad, they have to be yours. If his family aren’t allowing him to do that, then you need to get him away from them, kicking and screaming if that’s what it takes.”

  He held my hands, then turned my wrists over so my tattoos were showing.

  Gently running his thumbs over the words, he asked, “What do these words mean to you? Why did you get them tattooed into your skin?”

  Looking down at Faith, I remembered the time I got the tattoo. Although it had been for Riley, Cole had been there with me. Strength had been for a different reason.

  “Faith was for you, Riley. When we’d written to each other and things were a bit rocky, I had faith in us. I got Strength after Cooper died, and I didn’t know if you were still alive. I needed strength to get through it, to come out the other side.” I shook my head. “There was so much sadness and uncertainty at that time. I was grieving you, but I had to be strong for Kelli at the same time, because what she was going through was so much worse.”

  I watched as he brought each wrist to his lips, kissing the words lovingly.