Songbird Freed Page 17

  “I chose those particular words because of your tattoo, and the meaning it had for you.”

  A stray tear spilt over my lashes, dripping onto Riley’s shoulder. He looked over at me, drying my cheek with his thumb.

  “Are you free, Riley? I mean, you’re not being held captive anymore, but in your heart of hearts, are you free?”

  He smiled crookedly. “Good question. I’m getting there, Tara. I’m beginning to believe that the situation we were placed in was out of my control, but I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself for the deaths of my buddies. It plays on my mind all the time. Should I have seen the RPG coming? Could I have done more to land safely?” He frowned. “I know the inquest cleared me of any blame, but I still replay that day over and over in my mind, trying to think of how it could have been avoided.”

  “You can’t beat yourself up over it, Riley. Kelli doesn’t blame you, I don’t blame you. I’m sure Bear wouldn’t be here with you still, if he thought you were at fault.”

  He pulled me into his chest, kissing the top of my head. “I’ve loved having you here. I miss talking to you. I miss … everything we had together.”

  Kissing his chest chastely, I sat up. “In another lifetime, we would have been amazing together.”

  He nodded. “But not in this lifetime.”

  “No, not in this lifetime.” I smiled sadly. “I don’t think I’m cut out to be an army wife.”

  He chuckled. “That’s obvious.” I slapped him on the shoulder. He recoiled playfully. “I know you tried, Tara, and I know it was hard for you. I don’t resent you for wanting to live your life to the fullest instead of waiting around for me to come home. To be honest …” He ran his hand through my hair, tucking it behind my ear. “… I don’t know when I’ll be coming home. This is my life, this is what I do, and I’m good at it.” He continued playing with my hair. “But there’s no room for distractions, no room to be wondering what’s happening back home when I need to be focused completely on the job.”

  I understood what he meant. It was why I hadn’t told him about Cole when we had Skyped in Paris. I hadn’t wanted him to be worrying about what was happening with me, instead of the mission at hand.

  There was already movement outside, so I jumped up and dressed quickly. Turning to say goodbye to Riley, I realised he was dressing as well.

  “It’s okay, you don’t have to come,” I told him, heading for the door.

  “You’re not doing the walk of shame, Tara. You have no reason to sneak out. We’re both adults, both single, and both needed something last night. It wasn’t a one-night stand. It was two people who have feelings for each other.” He smiled. “My feelings for you may be stronger than yours for me, but I know there’s still something there between us.” He took my hand. “So there’s no shame in what happened.” He indicated to the door with his head. “Let’s go get breakfast.”

  We were nearly at the door when Bear opened it, making me jump.

  “Mornin’,” he said, grinning at us. “Sleep well?” He gave a deep throaty laugh as he looked at my startled expression.

  “So sorry I ran you out of your home last night.” I could feel my cheeks burning up, but refused to be ashamed of what had happened. Riley was right, we were both single, and we’d both needed each other last night.

  “No problem,” he said to me, while still grinning at Riley. “I was going to come back last night, but got halfway across the compound and could hear that you weren’t quite finished.”

  “Oh my God!” My hands flew to my face. “You could hear us from outside?”

  He threw his head back, laughing at my embarrassment. “Don’t worry, there were only maybe fifty guys outside who heard you.”

  Turning to face Riley, I hid my face in his chest. “Can we skip breakfast? I don’t know if I can face anyone after that.”

  He just laughed. “No shame, remember? Let’s go.”

  Riley and Bear strode out like it was just another day, but I wanted to scope the area first. Poking my head through the doorway, I took special care to ensure none of the girls or Jay were outside to see me leaving Riley’s hut. Once I’d double checked, I shot out the door and ran to catch up to the guys. Riley’s eyes were smiling at me as he looked behind to see where I was, then slowed his step so I could catch up.

  “Okay, the coast is clear,” I said to him.

  “Do we need a cover story?” he asked, smirking. “Like, we just ran into you on the way over as you were heading back from the bathroom, or the office.”

  I nudged his shoulder with mine. “No, Mr Smarty-Pants.”

  We’d reached the door and started to enter.

  “So if anyone asks, who do I tell them was with me last night making all the noise?”

  I gave him a cheeky wink. “Maybe you could just tell them you were having a good time on your own.”

  A few of the girls were already eating when we arrived, so we joined them. Nicole came in soon after, a curious expression on her face.

  “Let’s get something to eat,” she suggested, grabbing my hand and pulling me off the bench. “So?” she asked, eyebrows raised as we moved towards the breakfast line. “What’s the deal?”

  Despite the whole ‘no shame’ speech, I couldn’t help diverting my eyes. I quickly filled her in on what she had already worked out for herself, but it felt good to get it off my chest.

  “Thing is, I don’t want it getting back to Cole,” I told her.

  “It would serve him right if he found out. He’s moved on, living his life. I think you should just let it accidently slip out that you had hot, sweaty sex with your gorgeous ex.” She looked at me quizzically. “Is he your ex, or are you back together?”

  “No!” I grabbed her shoulders, spinning her to face me. “We’re not back together. It was just a, I don’t know.” I ran my hand through my hair. “We were both lonely and needed to feel something. But seriously, we’re not together, and I really don’t want Cole hearing about it.”

  “So you had a one-night stand?” She wiggled her eyebrows at me.

  I shrugged. “Do you think that makes me a slut?” I whispered, not wanting the guys behind us in the queue to hear.

  Nicole cackled, making me laugh. “Ah, Tara.” She slapped my arm. “If you were a slut, you would have been sleeping with Cole eight months ago. I think it was closure for both of you. As long as you are both okay with it, it’s fine.”

  “We are both okay with it.” I looked over at Riley. He was watching us and gave me a cheeky wink. “I think it even helped him, and I know it helped me. We know we’ll always be there for each other.” Riley was still watching us and I gave him a little wave, making him chuckle. “But we can’t be together. It would never work.”

  “And you’re still crazy in love with Cole. Let’s not forget about that.”

  “Which is why I don’t want him knowing what happened.”

  She winked. “Got it. Leave it with me.”

  Nicole took her food-laden tray back to the table, while I took my dry toast. My stomach was still protesting if I ate anything with any flavour to it. In hindsight, I should have gone to see the medic at the last base and asked for something to help speed up my recovery, but it had been a couple of days now, and I was sure I was nearly better.

  As soon as we sat down, I knew Nicole was up to something.

  She gave a huge exaggerated yawn. “I’m so tired.” Her eyes settled on me. “You snored all night last night, Tars. Every time I dozed off, you’d start up again.”

  Biting the inside of my cheek, I tried not to laugh at her over-acting.

  “I keep telling you, I don’t snore.”

  “So you slept all right, did you, Tara?” Bear asked me teasingly.

  I opened my mouth to answer, formulating the lie on the fly, but I didn’t need to.

  “Oh she slept like a log,” Nicole interjected. “You couldn’t wake her with a marching band last night. She slept straight through.”

  My e
yes shifted to Riley, hoping he understood that I didn’t want everyone knowing where I had really spent the night. He looked at me and smiled. There was no disappointment, only understanding.

  We met back at the office, bags packed, ready to go home. As we were milling around, waiting for the helicopter pilot to get organised, Riley came jogging over.

  “Change of plans, guys, I’m taking you to the airbase in the chopper.” He grinned at me. “Wanna go for a ride?”

  We piled in excitedly, and as a special treat, I sat up front with headphones on so I could talk to Riley and hear him. He pointed out various landmarks and areas that he’d been through. About fifteen minutes in, a pensive look came over his face and he went quiet for a few minutes.

  “Everything okay, Riley?” I asked, leaning forward to see his face clearly.

  “See down there?” He indicated with his chin. “That outcrop to the left? That’s where I was being held.”

  My head spun to the left, and I leaned forward to get a good view. Even though it looked like every other ridge we had flown over a chill ran through me, knowing that Riley had been shoved in a hole in the ground in the middle of nowhere. If he hadn’t been ransomed, would he ever have been found?

  “How did you find Bear out here in the middle of all this?” I suddenly asked. “It all looks the same to me.”

  He chuckled. “It does all look the same, but we worked out how often they were coming to get me, and figured the radius of where we were all being kept had to be fairly close.”

  Turning in my seat to face him, I asked, “I know you don’t want to keep in touch as in write to each other all the time, but if something big happens, like you find Tech, can you let me know, please?”

  He smiled, his eyes lighting up. “Of course.” He sighed. “I know it sounds weird, but I don’t want to commit to writing all the time because I don’t know where I’ll be, and I don’t want to be waiting for your letter every time the mail arrives. But I promise to keep you up to date with anything significant.”

  “Thank you, Riley,” I whispered.

  The military airbase was just up ahead and we circled wide so we could land facing the wind. So this was it. The tour was over and we were going home, leaving all the soldiers behind to continue the fight and risk their lives every day.

  There were several helicopters coming and going as we landed around the side of a hangar that looked just like a big shed. Riley jumped out with us and showed us to the waiting area, which was situated at the far end of the airstrip in front of a tiny office, then led me over to the side to say our goodbyes privately.

  He wrapped his arms around me, squeezing me in to him. “Thank you for last night,” he whispered into my hair. “I hope everything works out with you and Cole, I really do.” He raised his head, his eyes holding my gaze. “If you really want to be with him, fight for him, Tars. I want you to be happy, that’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

  I threw my arms around his neck. “I want that for you too, Riley. I hope you can find peace and meet someone someday.”

  Cupping my face in his hands, he angled it down and kissed my forehead. “I’ll see you again one day. When all this is over, don’t be surprised if I turn up on your doorstep.”

  I stifled back a sob as tears spilled over my lashes. “You will always be welcome.” Standing on my tip-toes, I returned the kiss, making him sigh.

  He turned to leave as an overwhelming sense of loss hit me. I had mourned the uncertainty of his situation for so many months, not knowing his fate, and now our relationship was truly over. Not over because it had been ripped from us as before, but over because we both knew it would never work. We were too different, and the stars just hadn’t aligned for us.

  I was just about to head back over to the others, when Riley turned back around to face me.

  “Tara.”

  Quickly wiping my cheeks, I indulged in one final look upon Riley’s smiling Irish eyes.

  “I still remember when I left Australia to come over here, and how you smiled through your tears for me. It was the last thing I wanted to see. The way I wanted to remember you.”

  Immediately, my eyes welled again as I remembered that day as if it were yesterday.

  Riley’s eyes became glassy as his hand went to his chest. “Smile for me, babe.”

  So I smiled.

  Riley mouthed “thank you” then blew me a kiss. He jogged back towards the helicopter, giving the others a quick wave as he passed, then turned the corner.

  He was gone.

  Taking a deep breath, I took a moment to process everything that had happened during the last two weeks. It had been so full on, so emotional, but I had decided that if Cole was now engaged, I had to accept it. I wasn’t going to be with him if he couldn’t commit to me completely, and I was tired of banging my head against a brick wall. He had made his decision, and I had to live with it. As much as I was in love with him, I would do the right thing and let him go.

  A helicopter took off from behind the hangar and we all waved to it. It banked right and headed back the way we had come.

  A streak of light came out of nowhere, flying through the air towards the helicopter. It only lasted a few seconds, but we all saw it. Then, as if in slow motion, the helicopter exploded in flames.

  “NOOOOO!”

  I dropped to the ground, screaming hysterically as the life that was once my entire world ignited in flames.

  As pieces of the helicopter fell from the sky, the only thing I could hear was my own voice screeching, holding me captive in absolute terror.

  Through the chaos around me, I felt Nicole drop to her knees, her arms around me, holding me close, as my own arms flailed to get free. After everything Riley had been through, this wasn’t right. This was not the way his life was meant to end.

  People ran around everywhere and someone tried to usher us into a building, but I couldn’t move, I couldn’t leave this place where I had last seen Riley’s face, his Irish eyes smiling back at me. I had to hold on to that; I had to cherish our last few moments together and hope that he had been happy the second before his precious life had been taken from him.

  Totally paralysed by grief, I stayed on the ground as ugly tears streaked down my face. With my eyes tightly shut, I wrapped my arms over my head as the flash of light from the explosion flickered in my closed eyelids, making me relive the horror over and over.

  A feeling of being lifted by familiar, strong arms trying to carry me away from the torment surrounding me was something my mind couldn’t comprehend. The chest I was feeling against my cheek, even the scent played tricks on my imagination as my senses conspired to deceive me.

  “It wasn’t me, babe. It wasn’t me,” he kept repeating, as I finally calmed down enough for his words to sink in.

  It was Riley.

  Throwing my arms around his neck, I clung on for dear life, wanting to keep him close.

  “It’s okay, babe. Shhh, it’s okay,” Riley cooed, rocking me gently.

  “Oh, God,” I sobbed, still not fully grasping what had just happened. “I thought I’d lost you. I thought it was you.”

  “You’ll never lose me.” Riley’s fingers ran through the side of my hair, holding my head still. His eyes bore into me. “We may not be together anymore, Tara, but you’ll never lose me. Until the day I die, I will always be yours.”

  “I thought today was that day,” I croaked.

  The corner of his mouth tipped up. “It’s not my time. I have the luck of the Irish with me, and I plan on seeing you again.”

  Holding him close, I finally managed to get my breathing under control as he stroked my hair, holding my head to his shoulder.

  “I need to go,” he whispered.

  My grip tightened.

  “Baby, listen to me. This is what I do. This is my job.”

  Raising my head from his shoulder, his steely eyes looked back at me.

  Taking a step back, I loosened my death grip from around his neck. “I know.
But I don’t have to like it.”

  He smiled. “Just another reason why you could never be an army wife.”

  He looked at the others who were milling around, watching our exchange.

  “You may be delayed here for a little while. They won’t fly you out until the area has been secured.” He indicated to the minimal plastic seats and water cooler. “Make yourselves comfortable.”

  Someone strode in, indicated to Riley to get outside, then left just as abruptly.

  With Riley’s arms wrapped around me one last time, he nuzzled my hair. “I love you, Tara.” Before I could say anything, Riley held his finger to my lips. “I know where your heart lies, you don’t have to say anything. Just knowing you still care a little bit for me—that’s enough for now.”

  He turned and ran out the door.

  Walking across the tarmac, I kept telling myself that Cole wouldn’t be there to meet me, but deep down I hoped I was wrong. We made our way through customs and collected our luggage, then through the glass double doors to freedom.

  Nicole squealed, and I knew straight away that Marcus was there to meet the plane. As Nicole launched herself at Marcus, wrapping her legs around his waist, I laughed out loud, but my eyes continuously scanned the faces in the crowd, looking for the man I wanted to come home to.

  He wasn’t there. Of course he wasn’t; why would he be? He had probably already started his new life as Victor Michaels III, fiancé to Prue Harrington. It was only a day and a half after the engagement party, which meant there would be presents to unwrap, thank you cards to write and probably society column interviews to give. He would be extremely busy as a man who was no longer in the top five of the country’s most eligible bachelors, burning all his little black books while Prue’s greedy eyes watched on.

  I’d never hated anyone as much as I hated Prue Harrington right now, because she was living the life that should have been mine.

  Well, I had things to do, too. I needed to pack my belongings that were still at the apartment, and then I needed to find somewhere to live. Busy, busy, busy. There would be no time to wallow in despair over losing the love of my life and having to start all over again. No time to contemplate how anyone ever could measure up to Cole. Of course, I would also need to go to an animal shelter to buy the first of my many cats.